Some day's I love life and couldn't imagine missing out on the blessings I've been given.
Some day's I'm hell on wheels spitting fire in need of holy water.
Some day's I find peace and calm in everything.
You may be shocked by that first line but mental illness is real.
Having a mental illness is something I've always dealt with as far back as I can remember. I just didn't know what to call it. When I was 14 I attempted to slit my wrists but my Mother, she saved me. Thank you, Momma! For years the doctors have been throwing me on the newest depression medication just hoping it will work to shut me up. When my shrink lady first told me I was bi-polar among my other issues I kinda already knew and she threw me on some more pills which started to work... But, that didn't last long. It never does. I can't even remember how many medications I've been on to be honest. Every 6 months to a year my doctors switch my medications up.
I guess when you're on a million different types of medications daily they have to figure out what can go with what ect, so they don't defeat the purpose and kill you LOL
Doctors and medication are no strangers to me. I spent my first birthday in a hospital room hooked up to machines. I was always sick then too, my immune system is an ass hole. I have memory issues, I'm on the road to full blown dementia. I'm not prepared but I'm trying to be(I still have many many years). When I was 6 or 7 I was diagnosed with short term memory loss, social anxiety aka learning disability and a social reject. I'm sure you can imagine how that went growing up. I've spent every waking moment fighting for my life in some way, shape or form since the moment I was born. It only got worse as I grew up. I deal with constant pain in every cell of my body thanks to fibromyalgia
and a small case of leg length discrepancy which is one thing among others that has lead to my weight being out of control.. when I tell you it hurts to move my ass ***IT HURTS TO MOVE MY ASS***..... literally horrific pain most days and on the days I'm actually able to be pushed to move more then normal, it takes at least 3 days to recover... My stomach is eaten with ulcers and add the IBS to the gastric mix... it's pretty much FML...haha
But, the extreme social anxiety and manic depression hurt even more then any physical pain ever could. There are days when I get so deep down in the thickness of sorrow I feel like I'm drowning, gasping for air, clinging on to my life and I don't know why? Nothing that I recall really triggers it. It just comes in like a sneaky snake and grabs me pulling me in every direction.. I literally have to fight my own mind But as you can see I'm still here WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER LOL
When I was 12yr old my Granny Sharon passed away(she was more like a mother to me since my momma was so young) not to long after I was sexually assaulted the first time(I have yet to talk about that here with you). Then my Daddy left our family for another... I think those 3 events took place with in a years time. Grew up learning to heal, always learning to heal...
I lost my Daddy all over again to suicide in 06' if you never read his story you can here I remember... I refuse to do that to my daughters, I will fight this fight every single day, I am my daughters protector and they need me.
My first and only son died in 2010 his story can be found here Junior's Story.
2013 my marriage ended.
On social media's I may seem like one of those typical braggarting, smiling all the time asshole mom's who post to much and talk in comments to much and to often but in reality land I'm awkward and hard to get to know. I wont really talk to you much and you most likely wont talk to me because of my bitch face and defensive stance. The whole time in my head I'm screaming "I WANT TO GO HOME" while searching for the nearest exit and coming up with a good excuse to leave the situation because I just know you are all making fun of me secretly and judging me and some of you might actually want to physically harm me. I also have times where I cause myself to become angry and snap. I start yelling and making a fool of myself.... But I guess that's what comes with being bipolar, you never know how your going to feel or act from one second to the next...Ridiculous right? Yup.. But that's what happens when I leave the house, I have to be pumped up and motivated (or dragged whatever LOL) to do so.
The last couple years have been a little easier for me as my daughters and my best friend Shi motivate me. But it's still a huge struggle I deal with.
With that being said. I have not posted on my blog site in over 4 years. 5 years ago my marriage ended. The life I knew was over and our family was devastated. It took me some time to get where I am now. No it did not take me 5 years to get over my ex husband but it took a few years to get over the fact the life I struggled to create was not going to be my life. We have not seen my ex husband/father of the girls in 5 years, I solely take care of these girls physically and financially. Some may wonder if I will post a lot of ranting blogs about him and his absence and him not helping financially but I can assure you I rarely talk about him at this point but I know some of you are wondering what happen with our marriage, so I'm sure we will go there LOL The only thing I ever do mention is that I wish a birthday card was sent to the girls from him at the very least. In the last 5 years I had a chance to do a little growing(still have lots more to do) I had some time to discover things that I as a person enjoy and now I'm back here, hoping you will join me in my new epic journey of discovering more about myself.. I'm now a single mother raising two amazing daughters with the help of my family and my best friend.
So yeah that's a little information I would like to share with you all to start with so you can have a glimpse of what I may talk about. I also do product reviews, giveaways, crafting posts, make up related posts, gaming posts I love MMO'S and more <3
I did this little "about you" thingy so I figure I should just copy and paste it here for a quick sum up of information above LOL
First thing you need to know, I'm Bi-polar as shit.
I'm ADD as it gets, I'm a gamer, one of those wonky crafty people and a Mom.
The name is Sharon in RL, but I go by Shay as well.
Do I have any super powers?
My brain is mush and I have sloth like abilities.
Instead of one foot dragging, I drag ass, haha.
I hate to do ANYTHING, dishes they can wait, vacuum maybe next month, dust forget about it!
Young at heart, or an old soul?
I'm a tortured soul!
Memorable highlight, just off the top of my head?
My littlest one shit glitter, which was frickin' spectacular, cause I think she may have caught my awesomeness!
How long have you been blogging?
A couple years. I'm not an expert blogger BUT I've done pretty well in my opinion :)
Where do you live?
Florida.
Age?
30ish something.
Hair color?
I have hair awesomeness issues, I change it often so it depends on what month it is..
Eye color?
Blue/Green and BIG!
Height?5,9 "My you're a tall one" :)
Weight?
Pft... /cast Smite Smite Smite.....( If you don't know I'm a big time World of Warcraft gamer, I main a Priest) :)
Date of birth?
JULY the bestest month ever :)
Star sign?
I'm a Cancer bitches!!
Fav color?
Duh, PURPLE :)
Hobbies?
YES, I'm a Gamer, Crafter, Play mate(for my girls LOL) and A SELFIE TAKER :)
This post is really really long so I'm gonna end it for now if there is anything else you wanna know about me, feel free to ask :)
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